Disclaimer: So, I haven't exactly been on much lately, considering I've got A LOT of stuff going on in my life right now. Needless to say, I'm about stressed to my limit. But I want to get all of this out there, so you guys can get an idea of what I'm dealing with. I don't want to be a complainer, because I'm usually a very happy person, but I do feel like I need to let you guys know what's going on.
Let's make a list!!
In regards to:
1. School: I still have a plan to graduate this December. I'm currently applying to my favorite choice for school, and will be moving five hours away from my very close knit family in December to live in an apartment all by myself. This is both exciting (because I'll be on my own and free to do whatever I want) and scary (because I'll be on my own and five hours away from everyone else!). Plus, it's a HUGE city compared to what I'm used to. Of course, I'm not exactly comfortable saying it's name on here, but I'm sure you guys will find out soon in Chatzy.
2. The private post I chose to keep under drafts: All is well. Everything got cleared up and we're safe. I just don't get to hang out with him as much as I like. But here's the deal, when my brother abandoned me and my family, I lost the person I looked up to the most. And Unnamed Person pretty much fills that void, which is something that I need right now. I can actually talk to him, not just chat about the latest small-minded thing like I do with others. And he's really good at listening and giving advice, which I need a lot of right now.
3. My brother: Is 'back' and currently stressing me out even more. In my opinion, I've already given a second chance, and I don't do third and fourth. I've already told my family I want nothing to do with him, and they are okay with that. It's just that my sister wants to talk to him again and I'm sick of seeing her get hurt. And when he tries to talk to me and I ignore him, he goes, "What the hell?" and every single time I say, "What, did my back hurt your knife?" (Gosh, I'm witty :D).
4. Other family stuff: Several doctors just told my family that my grandfather has 3-6 months left. It's been a struggle, because they can't go back home and until we can convince them to go to assistant living (they're still insistent they can go home, but are unable to do anything on their own) they have to stay with us, which means my sister has to sleep in my room. I love her, but where I'm neat and a perfectionist, she's a totally slob. And her bad habits are seriously driving me crazy.
5. My friends: I'm starting to realize more and more that my friends and I are slowly growing apart. I don't know if they'll see this or not, and I don't know what they'll say if they do, but that's the truth. They complain that I have a job because they "never get to see me and we can't all just hang out anymore" and don't even notice that I'm not my normal bubbly self. They don't even ask if I'm okay. And when I actually tell them what's going on, they just say, "That's too bad" and continue with other pointless things. God, I hate saying all of this because it's awful and I don't want to feel this way, but it seems like if I'm not happy and excited about life, then they just ignore me.
So, I'm really sorry for this long post and everything, but I had to get this all out. If anyone has any advice, I'll take it. And I love you all. Seriously, I do. When I can't go to anyone else, SAAWAKM shows up on my homepage.
<3
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