Padfoot is not allowed to propose to Professor ‘Minnie’ McGonagall on a daily basis.
Even if she looks ravishing that day.
The Marauders are not allowed to turn Professor Slughorn into a pig, no matter how much he looks like one.
Nor can we blame it on Severus ‘Snivellus’ Snape.
Or Peter.
Padfoot and Prongs may not tell any Professor that Snivellus is a drug addict and needs counseling.
But they are allowed to tell Professor Dumbledore.
Because he will believe them.
Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail may not tease Moony about his ‘time of the month’ in public.
But they may do so in private.
Because he needs to get those hormone-induced emotions out.
If you ever see Moony with chocolate, a wand, and it’s his time of the month, Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail may not steal said chocolate.
We are not allowed to call Minnie ‘Mum.’
Nor may we refer to Professor Dumbledore as ‘Santa Claus’ (that Muggle bloke that breaks into houses).
The Giant Squid is our friend, not food (that means you, Wormtail).
We are not allowed to hide other students in strange, yet obvious places and blame it on You-Know-Who.
Nor may we blame Wormtail.
Or Moony.
Or Snivellus.
Or Professor Dumbledore.
No crying; macho blokes dont do that. coughwormtailcough
The contents of our book bags should not scare Snivellus into owling his mum.
But they can make him wet his trousers.
Just because Wormtail has not hit puberty does not give the others the right to make fun of him.
Or his girlish-man voice.
Students do not get butterbeer/Firewhiskey breaks during class.
Even if we offer some to the Professors.
We are not allowed to attempt to dissect Snivellus to make sure he has a heart.
No forgetting Wormtail.
Ever again.
No reading sappy love stories. coughmoonycough
Moony must share healthy portions of his chocolate.
‘Healthy’ as in ‘large.’
No ‘sleepwalking’ to the prefects’ bathroom.
No giving swirlies (a Muggle torture tactic involving a toilet and a person’s head).
No dumping pumpkin juice down Snivellus’ robes.
No claiming that Snivellus’ real name is Sarah.
No turning the Slytherin Common Room into a swimming pool.
Even if you can learn about Muggles and/or magical creatures.
No acting corny around Lily Evans coughprongscough
No Vanishing Wormtail’s food.
Or Moony’s
Even if it’s funny.
No telling ‘your mum’ jokes to Snivellus.
She is actually quite a fox and impossible to insult.
‘Your dad’ jokes are fine.
No running through the Great Hall starkers, even if the ladies appreciate it. coughpadfootcough
No ‘bestowing a gift’ into someone’s cauldron.
We are not allowed to attempt to give Snivellus a bath using a Dungbomb.
Even if he will smell better.
No comments:
Post a Comment