There is something like 22 hrs and 40 minutes until the premiere of DH part 2. And I'm trying really hard not to think about it.
I'm still not sure i'm okay with the idea that this is the last one. So, to cope, I've pretty much just submerged myself in projects all week.
These projects are:
Re-designing my room. (More on that in a minute)
Writing several papers and taking an at home test for my class (Which took me like 16 hours. Just the test, that is. The paper isn't done yet. :P)
Reading Incarceron by Catherine Fisher in like... 8 hours? Haha.
Thoroughly cleaning my entire house.
And painstakingly hand painting my t-shirt for the HP premiere. (I'll post pictures of it when im finished.)
So... yeah. This method has, I think, been the only thing keeping me from breaking down. I have been randomly bursting out in tears, though.
I didn't end up finishing that HP video... because i would go to cut clips from it, and end up watching the movies...
So, back to the room thing. I decided about two weeks ago that i wanted to re-design my room before HP and the start of my senior year. My room was a deep-ish pink color from back when it was my older sisters room before she went off to college. I just felt like I needed to change it and make it more... me? So, I painted the walls and took my old childish things down... including my several Harry Potter things. (A movie theatre poster of OOTP, a bag from the Wizarding world of HP, an Emma Watson poster and several of my midnight premiere tickets from the past few years.) It was hard, but I think it was something I needed to do. I bought a few new pictures, and I ended up choosing white for the walls, as white is a color that makes me think of new beginnings. Fresh and clean and brand new.
Which is what is sort of happening in my life right now. As Harry Potter ends, i'm realizing that my childhood is ending as well. Harry Potter meant so much to me when I was younger, and I still don't know what will happen tonight, but I think that the reason this premiere is hitting me so hard is because it is truly an Ending.
For some people, it may be their 18th birthday, their high school graduation, or maybe their first day of college, but for me i think that this will be it. Everyone has a moment when they realize that they're no longer a child, and when I think of my childhood, Harry Potter is always there in the background.
And when it ends tonight, truly, I know that my childhood will as well. And while I feel like I might explode any second, this is something that has been coming on for a long time.
Even though I know it is not the end of Harry Potter, it still feels as though as old friend is about to die. I've done my best to come to terms with it, but im not sure that i ever really will. I can't wait to get my tattoo in February, the idea of adding something permanent and everlasting to my body somehow makes me feel a little better.
Anyways, you may hear from me after the movie, you may not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
-K
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