She cries and cries,
Every time,
A little part of her dies.
She is hurt,
So hurt.
By his betrayal,
By his lies.
She had done nothing,
but love him.
Now how was that a sin.
All she ever did,
Was tell him,
What was within.
Now she is torn apart.
Because he has,
broken her heart.
Now she is right back at the beginning,
Right back at the start.
Trying to sow her heart,
Together again.
Not knowing if,
It will ever really mend.
She cries and cries,
Every time,
A little part of her dies.
Now all that remains,
Is death in her eyes.
See what I mean?
Sad stuff.
Wow.
ReplyDeleteI suck at poetry.
That was really good though.
Aweeee! Thanks Heather!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I dont really like it!
Its too jumpy.
I will have better ones to post later :)
I am sure that you would be GREAT at poetry!
Maybe better than me!
Dont rule anything out!
And CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM IS ALWAYS WELCOME!
Sorry, I'm a little too lazy to log in at the moment. :)
ReplyDeleteBUT WHOA. You think that was bad? Are you kidding Brandon?
I absolutely suck at poetry.
And you're absolutely amazing.
Grrr. :P
Awe! That was AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteYou're so talented!
I loved the end!
There was one part, where it goes,
"Now she is torn apart,
Because he has,
broken her heart,"
I think that's why you think it sounds jumpy.
It might be easier to read as,
"Now she is torn apart,
because he has broken her heart,"
That way you read it more fluently.
That's all I could find... :)
Welcome!
-Ned
Thanks Rachel & Ned!
ReplyDeleteThat makes me so much better about this one!
I was contemplating on whether or not I should post this one.
And I see what you mean, Ned! Thanks! I read it over and didnt pause during that area and it had so much more fluidity! Thanks Again :)
:D No prob.
ReplyDelete