Don't know where this came from, but it happened and I love. I might continue with more of these crazy tales! Help me title this one!
For as long as I can remember, I have been alive, and most of the time, I have been me. There was one incident with Pierce Bronson, a magnet, and a mad scientist named Sir Jonathon Welsh, but that’s a tale for another day. I was born in Nothingtodoville, a quaint little town in the country of Middle of Nowhere. Many say they come from the same place, which is exceedingly odd because I never see anyone, and it’s never very crowded.
When I was eleven, I was sent to a strange boarding school on the southern coast of Australia (some say I developed an accent, but I do not believe them). While at this boarding school, I befriended a group of people known as THE MISFITS and their pet dodo bird.
THE MISFITS had wonderful adventures involving pirating, black market deals for gum, and, of course, they were spies.
Yes, spies. And as such, they were brave, fearless people. Immediately, I was in awe of them and their abilities, and, somehow, they accepted me as one of their own. I fit right in with THE MISFITS it seemed.
One day, about five years later, while trekking our way through the harsh Australian desert, one of THE MISFITS pointed out that we were out of water. Well, that simply wouldn’t do. As the newest recruit, I was told to find water.
Back in Nothingtodoville, my father had drilled wells for houses. It never looked hard, but that might be because he had a machine. I had a plastic spoon meant for the pudding in my lunchbox.
It took a day and a half, but finally I hit water. Just a dribble at first, but I kept digging and digging until more rose to the surface. Unbeknownst to me, I had opened up the reservoir for the secret city of Atlantis, positioned, as luck would have it, directly under the harsh Australian desert.
This, of course, angered the Atlantians, who had been saving that water for thousands of years (though I’m not sure why, since they live under water and all). The king of Atlantis came up to the surface for the first time in…well…ever.
The king of Atlantis threw quite a tantrum when he saw me, my plastic spoon, THE MISFITS and their dodo bird. THE MISFITS were quite shocked and afraid. They fled the scene, taking my now unspoonable pudding with them.
The prince of Atlantis heard this tantrum dear old dad was throwing. So he rose to the surface also. I was still holding the spoon up and staring at the king. The prince, however, was staring at me.
At that very moment, he fell madly in love with me. He stopped the king from screaming at me, pointed out that they had another reservoir, and begged me to marry him. And I, being hopeless after THE MISFITS left me, was forced to wed the prince.
While in Atlantis, I learned many things. I discovered how to surf underwater, how to breathe with a limited oxygen supply, and survive without a computer (no electricity underwater, you see).
Then, after a series of tragic events involving Sir Jonathon Welsh (who was always trying to destroy my life) and a killer squid, the king of Atlantis suddenly died. With his passing breath, he passed on the crown to the prince and me.
Perhaps you’ve heard of the Golden Queen of Atlantis? Well, maybe not, seeing as how it was a fictional kingdom and people refuse to believe in its existence.
The next few years in Atlantis were glorious, with more underwater surfing, even less electricity, and the people just adoring me. I would pass them on the streets and they would say, “Look! There is the Golden Queen of Atlantis. I just adore her!”
But, alas, I did not love the prince as he loved me. I told him I had to return to the world above, because it was the right thing to do. After all, the boarding school had surely called my family. They were probably worried sick.
I also pointed out that the prince had never even kissed me because I was forced to wear a fishbowl upside down on my head so I had air to breathe.
There was pleading (his), tears (his) and sorrowful goodbyes (he begging me to stay until I threatened to chop off his arm if he did not let go). After all of that, I made a goodbye speech to the people, who were just as upset. Adults, children, even the dog and catfish were somber to see me go.
Upon surfacing in the middle of the harsh Australian desert, I realized how little sun I had gotten in my time underwater. The bright ball of light nearly blinded me, so I had had to cover my eyes while stumbling around the harsh Australian desert.
Eventually, I found a town and a payphone. I used a dollar to call home and assure everyone that I was okay (I had to leave a message. They were out of town on a cruise).
Of course, I needed a job for airfare. A Mr. Warren Gray hired me as a story teller at the local Harsh Australian Desert Library. He thought I spun my tales quite well, and that the children might like them (what he didn’t know is that they were not tales, they were facts).
After a few more harsh months, I had airfare to fly home. But when going through customs at the Middle of Nowhere airport, the Security Official noticed the bluish tint of my skin (a sure sign of an Atlantian) and called his boss, who called his boss, who called his boss, who called his boss, who called The President of the United States, who demanded to see me.
The government was suspicious about my traveling in Australia and my adventures in Atlantis. It was reported that THE MISFITS had become pirates and plundered their way around the world. Was I part of them? (Not any more, Mr. President). Could I give him names? (Of course, Mr. President…as long as I’m not going to be arrested).
Now, it was inevitable that THE MISFITS would know who had ratted them out. And if they didn’t, they would find out. Therefore, I was in terrible, impossible danger. So the President of the United States decided to place me in the Witness Protection Program (WPP for short).
The WPP told me I was to never see my family again and henceforth, I was to live with a different family in Notmuchtodo City on the other side of Middle of Nowhere.
The new family was very welcoming and wanted to hear all of my adventures. The WPP told me I could only tell a limited amount for my own safety, so I explained what I could.
And what I couldn’t…I wrote down.
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