So in my story, I have my main Charater John-Lucas talking too his only or best friend; Clara. So I made up some pledge they said in grade six, but it sounds realy phony to me....I want to know if its just me. So for a 6th grade quote, that they made up is this too phony or too Mature?
My tears stopped as her voice brought back my child hood, how she’d always yell at me and make my ear drums ring. I felt like a child again, my stomach even stopped its acrobatic act for the Mr. Liver and Ms. Heart. I looked up and I stared at the old lady. Her face was covered in wrinkles, and I said into the phone, “I cross my heart when I say I speak of no lies. I will speak of none, above the skies or beneath thee skies. Have god question thy, if I speak of lies. If so execute me for treason, but I’ve made my choice with reason. I tell you true when I say, I will. Amen.”
(Im talking about the words in the 66 and 99 "", Im so keeping mr.Liver and Ms.Heart in 'dere! xD)
Thanks ahead of...Time
I think it's cute, but I think it's a little too drawn out and complicated for sixth graders.
ReplyDeleteBut it's so cute! Just make it a little simpler.
hope I helped. :)
I agree with Sarah. Here Grade 6 is age 11-12, and then I wouldn't have even heard the word "thee", "thy" or "treason" before. This is just a suggestion, but you could simplify this part by just having:
ReplyDelete"I will speak of none, above or beneath the skies."
Other than that, I really like it!(: I could never come up with a pledge/rhyme like that, haha. I don't really understand the Mr. Liver and Mr. Heart thing though, it doesn't really make sense to me (then again, I am exhausted)